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Practical Philosophy

Words have unintended consequences

In both How to Win Friends and Influence People and The 48 Laws of Power, the authors highlight that you should be very careful when disagreeing with people. If somebody raises an incorrect point, and you correct them, they will often perceive it as a challenge to their intelligence. Being argumentative is a quick way to build resentment, regardless of how right you are.

Recently, I caught up with an old friend. In our conversation, we talked about a mutual friend. “Yeah, she’s doing this now.” “Oh, she’s travelling there.” “Remember when you asked what school she went to because of her bad spelling?” Oh shit. It must have been a bad joke I made years ago. Nonetheless, I felt terrible and apologised. It was a stark reminder that when you say things, you cannot take them back.

Saying less is generally better than saying too much. It’s wise to control your emotions and reign in the need to make that sarcastic comment. Why? Your words and actions have unintended consequences.

Categories
Practical Philosophy

You must learn to control your emotions

A few years ago, I went out with some friends. We were crossing the road, when a van tried to push through the red light and beeped at us to “hurry up”. One of my friends, in a sudden fit of rage, kicked the van. Yep, he actually kicked the van. I didn’t really know how to react. I asked “are you alright?” He pretended like nothing happened, but it was pretty clear he regretted his outburst.

Losing your cool in public often causes you to look ridiculous. While you may think it is a display of your passion and standing up for yourself, more often than not, it makes you look like a fool. Why? Because other people watching you are not feeling those same emotions. To them, you just look like a man who has lost all self-control.

In the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, his first lesson is that we must learn to control our emotions. Emotions throw reason and judgement out of the window. The last time I got seriously angry, I broke a clothes hanger and damaged my wallpaper. Humiliating. I regretted it later. When we cannot control our emotions, we lose self-control. Without self-control, we cannot possibly follow any logical plans to better our lives.

Because most people are driven by emotions, it is also important to manage your words or face unintended consequences.