Jonathan Lewell

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

There is a strange idea repeated by Stoics: “the obstacle is the way.” The more I think about it, the more I think it is true. Here is why:

We must confront that which is difficult

It is hard to achieve that which is worth striving for. It can require years, sometimes a lifetime of hard work. To do so requires us to deliberately confront difficulty and face obstacles along our journey. There is no avoiding it. The alternative is to live in fear, or in a double life that we do not wish to live.

Obstacles form our identity

Many successful people tasted defeat in their early days. Henry Ford created two different car companies before creating the Ford Motor Company. Ulysses S. Grant was kicked out of the army for alcoholism before rejoining, and eventually helping the Union win the civil war.

We could say that early defeat can forge our identity. It can make us hungrier, more resilient, and give us a gratefulness when we achieve success.

We do it because it is difficult

“We choose to go to the Moon. We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”

John F. Kennedy

Sometimes, we do things because they are difficult. We like a challenge – we need a challenge. We play the game because the game is difficult.

#1 – It is not what a person said, it is why they said it at that moment

I’m hunting for a flat to rent in London. The market is tough. Apparently it’s never been tougher.

Last week, one estate agent told me they had only 50 enquiries for a flat in Aldgate East. 50! Looks like I had no chance. However, the day after my viewing, the estate agent called me again and asked if I was still interested. Did she really have 50 bookings? Or was it a scarcity tactic?

In Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss says that it is not what a person says that you should pay attention to in a negotiation, but why they said it at that moment.

#2 – Focus on what is controllable, everything else is a distraction

I have started to notice how people often get effected by events entirely out of their control – like getting annoyed by badly parked cars, or by Boris Johnson, or the Tennis, etc.

One of the key doctrines of Stoicism is that of Perception. Essentially, we need to perceive what truly matters to protect our minds. The first thing we should do is to filter out what is entirely out of our control. Like getting pissed off by a parked car. That will never end and you will end up getting entirely derailed because you cannot control your emotions.

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius advised himself “Not to be overwhelmed by what you imagine, but just do what you can and should.”

Ignore the external – and focus inwards – on your thoughts which you can control.

#3 – Appreciate the moment

When you see a cat in the street, pet it. That’s one of the lessons from 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson.

I remembered the lesson when I was walking with my parents in the park. I had a moment where I thought that in 20 years we may not be able to do this together as a family again. It really made me appreciate the present moment.

Then, we started talking about laundry and other worries of the future (where am I going to stay in London etc). It reminded me that oftentimes we forget to enjoy the moment and think about the past and future.

#4 – Agreeing to your emotions is a choice

Previously I had known that we had to control our emotions and always act with dignity, but when push comes to shove, it’s hard to know exactly how. It can feel like fighting your natural instincts.

Recently, I did a post on the stoic concept of Assent. The idea is that we should protect our minds by not always agreeing (assenting) to our first impressions.

The reason for this is that our impressions of events tend to combine (1) the objective event with (2) our subjective value judgement of it. For example, the waiter doesn’t smile it me is an objective event. My subjective value judgement may be that they don’t like me. That’s entirely in my head.

“What is outside my mind means nothing to it. Absorb that lesson and your feet stand firm.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

So when the combined impression comes to our evaluation. There is a moment where we can consciously say yes or no to it. Do we let it assent to our inner citadel? (our soul, so to speak). An interesting remark is that we are a collection of our assents.

“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

My friend told me this is similar to what Buddha said. I guess it really is true that wise men throughout history tend to reach the same conclusions.

It is illogical and harmful to always accept our first impressions.

Previously, I posted about the the doctrine of Perception by Marcus Aurelius and how we tend to add an unhealthy portion of subjective interpretation into what we see around us.

In this post, I want to reflect on a similar and very practical doctrine from Traditional Stoicism that I read today: The doctrine of assent.

According to Ted Brannan, Philosophy and Classics professor at Cornell, the doctrine of Assent is “the linchpin of the Stoic system.” It is our ability to agree (assent to) or disagree with our own first impressions.

The flow of events

The best way to understand the doctrine of Assent is to picture the flow of our thoughts.

1. Event – The circumstance that presents itself. e.g. A car cuts us off.
2. Value Judgement – The judgement we make about the event. e.g. That driver doesn’t follow the rules. He is rude and a bad person.
3. Impression – The combination of the event and your value judgement, presented like a ticket. e.g. The car cut me off + he is a rude and bad person.
4. Assent – Your choice to either agree with or discard the impression “ticket” presented to you.
5. Inner Citadel – Your mind, your soul, your character. The thoughts you let assent to your inner citadel make up who you are.

Protecting our Inner Citadel

“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. You soul takes on the quality of your thoughts.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I believe that letting in accurate information may be different from letting in the right information. Why? Because it’s all too easy to get consumed by negative thoughts.

If I read the news in the morning, stories of murder, violence and the darker side of humanity effects me. Now I try not to read the news as often as I used to. I make an effort to protect my mind.

When we assent to negative impressions – cursing the world – cursing people – this colours our soul. We begin to see the world in a negative light. Small, innocent details reinforce our view that the world is bad.

Don’t accept the first impression

Hastily accepting our first impressions not only harms us, it’s illogical. The stoics argued that most impressions are a mixture of “what really happened” with a healthy dose of subjective judgements (which can get extremely subjective if not checked).

• The man didn’t smile at me. – The objective event that occurs.
• The man is rude. – My subjective interpretation of the event.

If I agree (assent) to this impression, I’m accepting it with circumstantial evidence that I couldn’t possibly know for certain. How can I know he is rude? Can I read his mind? Do I know his malicious intent?

It’s harmful and illogical to always accept first impressions as absolute truth. Check what you think before you let it assent to your inner citadel.

Think of the grizzly bear. A solitary predator. Many years ago, people would pit bears to fight against tigers, and even lions. The bear would always win. It is perhaps the strongest land-based predator alive, except for one:

Humans. The ultimate hunters. Humans have been responsible for the extinction of every mammal in the last 126,000 years. Unlike bears, humans have historically hunted in groups, working together with tools to bring down larger prey.

Sports and business are similar to hunting. In football, the team works together to hit the target. In business, the people work together to build wealth.

So how do we measure our predatory instinct? According to Jordan Peterson, we can measure it with agreeableness. Agreeableness is how often we prioritise the interests of others over our own. The higher you are, the more you put others first. Jordan Peterson says is related to the maternal instinct – women tend to be higher in agreeableness.

On the flip side, the less agreeable you are, the more predatory you are in nature. You put your own interests first before others. At the extremely low end, low agreeableness is a great predictor of incarceration.

I’m low in agreeableness:

Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing. People who are less agreeable are more likely to get raises, for example. They ask for it. People who are too highly agreeable try to help others too much, and in the process don’t look out for themselves.

Taking the test and revealing my low agreeableness was quite enlightening – and amusing. For one thing, I work in customer success, which is all about helping other people. However, I think that this reveals that we need to work together. For me to reach my goals, I need to help my clients reach theirs. The same goes for working in a team versus going it alone:

It’s better to hunt in packs.